Alfred's April Fools
by Chibi Russia-Kun
Summary: Alfred wakes up exited that it's April Fools day, but he needs to find someone to prank. Guess who the unlucky one is. Human names used. Rated T, just in case. No longer a oneshot!
1. Chapter 1

**This is my very first fan fic****, so please, be gentle. I wrote this in honor of April Fool's Day, and there is only one guy I can think of who loves this day!**

**Alfred: Oh! I know! It's the hero!**

**Me: That's right! Have a cookie!**

**Alfred: Yeah!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, but if I did, there would be so much more Russia in the show.**

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><p>The great hero Alfred F. Jones had just woken up, in a way only a hero can."Stupid alarm! How dare you wake up a hero during a totally cool dream like that!" <em>Man that was a good dream though. It does give me some ideas though.<em> "What day is it anyway?"

Alfred got out of bed in his Superman pajamas (he also has Batman, Spiderman, and his all time favorite, Captain America), went to the kitchen and found it, the calender! He tore off the page with the date before, _Sorry about this calender_, and a huge grin had glued itself to his face. "F#%K YEAH! IT'S APRIL 1ST! Who should I prank this year?"

Alfred thought back to the jokes of previous years. _Aw man. Last year I pranked Gilbert by making him think Elizabeta had a crush on him. Hhahaha, when she hit him with that frying pan, I thought I was gonna pee my pants! The year before that I pranked Feliciano and Ludwig into thinking they liked each other! Wait that was a fail, it turned out they did like each other, they started dating and that's why they wanted me to be the best man at their wedding. Oh well. And the year before that I pranked Ivan and … you know what? I'll skip on pranking him from now on._

Alfred spent half an hour thinking about his old pranks, before he realized who he should prank next. "I know! I haven't gotten Iggy in a while, so mabye it's his turn this year!" Alfred got dressed then sat down in his favorite chair. As soon as he sat, he came up with a something funny to do to his old friend Arthur. "Hey Al, 'the f#%k are ya gonna do this year?" Alfred turned and saw his buddy Tony. The alien. (**Is no one creeped out by this guy?)**

"Yo Tony! I've been thinking about what to do to Iggy, and I just got a perfect idea!"

"Are ya gonna tell me, or is this something I have ta read the papers for?"

"You'll see," said Alfred, with a smile on his face. He said goodbye to Tony and left. _It's still early so Iggy should still be asleep right now._

~Later that day~

Alfred came home around 3:00. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Tony, come and check this out!"

"What the hell did ya do?"

"Ok. First I snuck into Iggy's place, and I went to his bathroom. That old fart always takes a bath in the morning. I got his shampo bottles and I spiked it with purple hair dye! Hahahaha!"

At that, the phone rang. "Well speak of the devil." Alfred answers the phone and the person on the other end starts yelling loudly. "ALFRED! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU TO MY HAIR? I HAD A VERY IMPORTANT MEETING WITH THE QUEEN TODAY REGARDING THE UPCOMMING WEDDING, AND I HAD TO MEET HER AND THE WEDDING PLANNERS WITH PURPLE HAIR! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA AS TO HOW HUMILIATING THAT WAS? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?"

"Hey, Iggy?"

"WHAT?"

"April Fools's!"

_To be Continued..._

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><p><strong>Please review and I<strong>**'ll give you a cookie and some of this vodka I found!**

**Russia: Isn't that my vodka?**

**Me: No, it isn't.**

**Russia: It has my name written on it.**

**Me: No, it's my name.**

**Russia: that vodka was in the safe in my room.**

**Me: No, I got this from your fridge and … crap.**

**Review and help me from the sexy Russian man!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, never planned for a second chapter to this story, but I cannot let my fans down! Thank you to the people who reviewed saying they liked my story: Rosebud snow, nirii-chan, DisturbingBunnyRabbit, maple lover, and CherrySummer! And a special thanks to xXMelloYelloXx for making me one of her favorite authors!**** All of you, have a cookie!**

**Sorry about the wait. Writers-block sucks! That and I **_**almost**_** got arrested the other day. A little tip: If you go to the mall and find a cute gay couple, DO NOT FOLLOW THEM AROUND WITH A CAMERA! Apperantly being like Hungary has its disadvantages. Xp**

**I do not own Hetalia, but I wish I did.**

**On with the story!**

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><p>Alfred F. Jones had hung up the phone after being yelled at by Arthur. "Jeez, he acts like he didn't expect it, but he totally was. Every year, he starts twitching, thinking I was gonna get him. But at least he'll be happy knowing he'll be safe for a few more years."<p>

"Hey, Al! Shut the f#k up! Who the f#k are ya talkin' to?"

"Huh?" Alfred looked around to see his friend Tony had long since left the room to plan more crop circles in the next room. _Aww, man! Oh well, mabye I should get something to eat. Hmm, I'm in the mood for 6, no 7 Big Macs! With fries and a big ass Coke!_

"Hello, Mr. America! Am I interupting anything important?" Alfred was pulled out of his thoughts by his old friend, Toris.

"Yo! Toris! Dude, you're just in time for lunch! Let's get some Micky D's, my treat!"

The Lithuanian cringed when he thought of, what Alfred called, good food. "No thank you. My boss, Mr. Russia, wanted to make sure you weren't planning any tricks this year. He still doesn't forgive you for that time in Vegas."

"Aw, come on man! 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!' Hasen't Ivan ever heard of that? Besides, it wasen't my fault his crazy sister was like that!"

"Nevertheless, he asked me here to make sure."

"Don't worry. I already did my prank of the year on Iggy. It should be on the papers soon. Think about it, **Headline: Purple Haired Lunatic Rampages During Royal Wedding Rehersal!** It's gonna be funny as hell!" At the thought of his joke, the American started to roll on the floor laughing.

"That's all I needed to know. I'll be on my way now. Hey, we should go out for a few drinks soon. I'll introduce you to my new boyfriend Feliks!"

Alfred started to come down from his laughing riot enough to agree to go out on Saturday. After Toris left, he went out to get something to fill his stomach. At some point, his thoughts came to the Russian. _Ivan. That stupid commie. When is he gonna stop being so paranoid? Seriously, that was years ago. It's not like he wasn't asking for it though._

Alfred snapped out of it when he realized he'd made it to McDonald's. He ordered his meal, paid with the McDonald's card he got for Christmas from his brother, _Thanks Mattie_, and left with his order.

After he ate, he went outside to the backyard to enjoy what few moments of peace he had. Without knowing it, he fell asleep, and he remembered that little joke he did to Ivan that ended up with the hero in the hospital.

_To be continued…_

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><p><strong>OMG! Alfred in the hospital! Some April Fool's Day that was. DX<strong>

**In case any of you were worrying, Russia did not kill me for steeling his vodka. If you want to know, let your minds go to the gutter! XD**

**Russia: Why are you telling them those things?**

**Me: Because my head is filled with dirty things! 8)**

**Russia: What if my sister heard you say that?**

**Me: I'm not scared of a pretty little girl with a cute little knife.**

**Belarus: Oh, really. *pulls out knife***

**Me and Russia: *with tears* Ahhh! Go away! Go away, go away, go away!**

**Belarus: Not until you write about me and my big brother!**

**Me: That's not until the next chapter!**

**Belarus: THEN YOU BETTER START WRITING!**

**Me: Yes, ma'm!**

**This time, if you review, you get a cupcake (virtual) and some German beer I found!**

**Germany and Prussia: Hey!**

**Me: Help!**

**Review please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Me: Damn it Gil, I don't know whether to call your 5 meters a blessing or a curse.**

**Prussia: Kesesese! You know you liked it!**

**Me: Well yeah, but it would've been more fun if **_**someone else**_** could've gotten into it!**

**Prussia: Don't blame me. It's your fault for not bringing Feli.**

**Germany: You do know people are reading this, right?**

**Me: What… Holy crap!**

**Ignore everything you just read! In the meantime, welcome to chapter 3! I'm sorry I took so long to update. I would like to thank CherrySummer for reviewing, favoriting this story and myself! As well as spycutie009 for also favoriting this story! And of course MoonlightNinja55 for reviewing and reminding me I had a story to update! Everyone who reviewed for Ch. 2: To all, I give you cupcakes and beer! Wait…where are the cupcakes… and the beer?**

**Prussia: I took them.**

**Me: What! Why?**

**Prussia: Because, someone as awesome as myself needs to have beer whenever I want! Plus, how else am I supposed to get Feli to join us for the next round of se…**

**Germany: You get him involved in anyway and I will kill you.**

**Me: Okay… Starting in this chapter, Alfred will be dreaming (flashback) to what how it all happened. Enjoy! Warning: Don't hate me for anything I write about Criss Angel. He's awesome, like Prussia!**

**I OWN NOTHING!**

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><p>(Flashback music)<p>

_Marc__h, 2008_

In the mysterious land… of Toronto, Canada: a meeting of the world's nations was taking place…

"And that concludes today's meeting. Before anyone leaves, are there any questions?" a quiet voice echoes through the room.

"Who are you?" asked everyone.

"I'm Canada," the owner of the now annoyed voice replied.

"Oh, yeah I, like, totally got a question. Where are we, like, gonna go for the next meeting?" the Polish nation asked.

"It's Alfred's turn to host a meeting next, so he should've let us know by now."

At the mention of his name, the Hero, who was arguing with a certain British nation at the moment, yelled, "Oh yeah! I forgot, I've thought that we could all go to Vegas for the meeting! We could all stay at the Luxor Hotel and gamble, get our drink on, watch some shows, and if we get lucky, we could meet Criss Angel!"

"Who the bloody hell would want to watch that talentless magician…"

"He's an Illusionist, Iggy, not a magician! He's the Mindfreak!"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT! Now where was I? Oh yes… that talentless _Illusionist_ scam money from the unsuspecting masses?"

"You're just jealous! You probably just hate yourself because he can use magic better than you can!"

"I do not hate myself, you git! I'm better at magic then he could ever dream of! Besides, I don't want to see that man."

"Is it because you're too busy looking for reasons to hate yourself?"

"Honhonhonhon, oh _L'Angleterre_, you shouldn't hate yourself! Maybe you need to be taught just how much you matter, perhaps, in my room, but without our clothes!"

At this, Hungary got a nosebleed, Japan started to blush, and Prussia asked if he could join, which got the Englishman to glow red with anger. "Hell no you bloody wankers! There is no way any of that would ever happen!"

"Then how about you Alfred? Why must we go to Nevada?" the Frenchman asked, slowly reaching for the Hero's ass. "I'd much rather go and see California, if you know what I mean. Or if not, then maybe Florida…"

"Don't you dare touch him, you rapist!" yelled Arthur.

"So defensive, you are. Are you absolutely sure you two aren't fooling around behind our backs?" Francis smirked.

"Shut up." Arthur blushed.

After a rare, awkward silence.

"So, does that mean we can go to Vegas?" asked Alfred.

Everyone agreed, including England (reluctantly) but no one noticed the look of victory on Belarus's face when she thought of Vegas. _Hah! For once, that idiotic American has made himself useful! There are hundreds of wedding chapels for quickie weddings in Vegas! All I need to do is 'persuade' him into joining me there. It's going to take lots of vodka, but I will make this work! And then, we can finally become one! _

Ivan, not knowing of his sister's plans, only wanted to go for the drinks. _Ahhh… Vodkaaaaaaaaaa~_

_To be continued…_

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><p><strong>Not much happening in the story right now, sorry. In the meantime, I've recently started to dress like my favorite Hetalian: Russia! <strong>**I've ordered a few pairs of amethyst contact lenses, I've dyed a silver streak into my black hair, and I've started wearing a long black scarf, regardless of the EXTREMELY HOT temperature in south Texas. If you're trying to imagine it, just picture Spain, wearing a lot of black clothes.**

**Please, if you review, you will get a large sack of tomatoes!**

**Romano: Give me back my tomatoes you stupid bastard!**

**Me: Only if you give me a kiss! ~**

**Spain: No! Only I can do that!**

**Romano: Shut the f#k up you damn tomato bastard!**

**Me: How about we see how this goes. Let's go to my place!**

**Review please!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Me:**** Hello everyone! I am Eiri "Yuki" Braginski otherwise known as Chibi Russia-kun! Welcome to the next installment of my little story!**

**Romano: I don't know why you're so happy, damn yaoi bastard.**

**Me: I don't know what you're talking about… but if you've got nothing useful to say, go back on the pole and dance for me!**

**Romano: F#k no! I'm not dancing on that again, and you know what I mean!**

**Me: Fine… I'm depressed. I have the worst luck, instincts, and love life imaginable… excuse me while I go to my emo corner… Spain read this for me. (Hands Spain a burger)**

**Spain: What am I supposed to do with a burger?**

**Me: I didn't have any paper, so I wrote a message in ketchup.**

**Spain: Oh, I see it! "Sorry about the wait! Writer's block is a bitch in heat! I would like to thank CherrySummer for reviewing. I also would like to thank 2bblue101 for adding this story on their Favorites list, and Say It Say My Name for reviewing and adding this story and myself on their Favorites list. I would give you all a sack of tomatoes, if only we hadn't used it all for a romantic pasta dinner. Please accept this chappie instead! It's not my best, but I hope you like it!"**

**Romano: He wrote all of that on a burger?**

**Spain: No, he lied. He wrote it on a piece of paper, **_**then**_** he put it in a burger.**

**Romano: He's weird… Hang on, there's something at the bottom.**

**Spain: ****"I own nothing." Hey now that that's over with, would you go on the pole if I went with you?**

**Romano: Shut up, bastard!**

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><p><em>Mid-March, 2008 – Morning<em>

"I hope Al doesn't mind me coming for a visit. He should be happy since I'm gonna make some of my famous pancakes!"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Canada! Your owner! The one who feeds you! Why don't you ever remember me, Mr. Kumakichi?"

"Oh… I don't know. Why are we going to his house?"

"He needs to be reminded to wake up early. He's a grown man, and he needs to have some responsibilty in his life!"

"Why not just call him?"

"He wakes up faster with food. Besides, that's not the only reason we're visiting today. I've got to ask him if he's already made reservations for everyone for the meeting."

"Okay… but why does he want to go to Vagas?"

"Knowing him, he might have a few tricks planned for some unlucky nation since the meeting takes place on April 1st."

"Oh right! He's a total trickster, but some of his plans do go a bit bad. Remember the time he "accidentally" cut off your hair curl? When he knew it was your erogenous zone?"

"It was an accident! He was going for Romano's curl, but he didn't see me standing in front of him!"

"What about the time he dropped a bucket of fish guts on you?"

"Kiku was supposed to walk through the door, but I went ahead of him and sprang the trap."

"And the time he and Kiku drew nude FanArt of you and posted them on the Internet?"

"…"

"You still there?"

"I'm still waiting for him to apologize for that… Francis won't stop asking me to model for him because he thought those drawings weren't that good."

"You see? You should stop helping him out when he gets in trouble or if he forgets something important. Besides, I thought that England would do that for you?"

"He did, but they broke up awlile ago. He's dating Kiku now."

"Same thing! You shouldn't have to be there for him all the time! It's not like you slept with him!"

"…well there was that one time at camp…"

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing." _I thought I said that part in my head._ "Anyway, I'm his brother and I should remind him about the meeting. Come on, we're almost there."

The young Canadian and his bear walked up to the front door of America's house. Matthew took out his key and went inside to find his brother on the couch, in his Superman underwear, watching television.

"No Mr. Noodle! That's not how you play an instrament! Silly Mr. Noodle!"

Canada walked up to the couch and sat next to the Hero, without being noticed, and saw what he was watching. On the screen was a grown man attempting to, and horribley failing, to play a trombone. "What are you watching?"

Alfred turned from the screen, had a faint look at his brother, and screamed. "Ahhhhh! Ghost! Don't kill me! Please! I don't taste that good anyway! I know a French guy who would love to be eaten, **(I do mean that as a double entendre! XD)** he'll be happy to see you!"

"Al! Al, it's me, your brother!"

"Oh my god! Mattie! You're dead! When did you die? If you let me live, I won't make Canada my 51st state! I PROMISE!"

"Is that what you planned to do if I die? I'm not dead and I'm not a ghost! You really need to cut back on the horror flicks."

"Don't freak me out like that! And no, I don't need to cut back! A hero should be allowed to watch whatever movie he wants to! How did you get in anyway?"

"You gave me a key. Remember?"

"… Right, now I remember!" _I totally don't remember giving him a key._

"Whatever…" _He forgot, again. "_Did you eat yet?"

"Nah. I was gonna go out to get something from McDonald's, but I got distracted when I saw Elmo on TV."

"Why are you watching a kids show?"

"Dude! Sesame Street's an awesome show for everyone!"

"You've got a point there… whatever, put on some pants and I'll make breakfast."

"What? I just said I was gonna get somethin' later."

"You keep eating fastfood, and you're going to die of heart failiure."

"No I'm not! I'm as healthy as a horse! I eat as much as I want, I balance it out with a Diet Coke, then I work out like a frickin' machine! Iit's foolproof!"

"…just go put on some pants." _You're the fool._

"Fine." _I totally won that one!_

The Hero left as the cute Canadian went to the kitchen to start cooking. When Alfred returned, he sat down, fully dressed, Matthiew already had breakfast ready. As they ate, they talked about random stuff, from…

"…the economy is really going into the toilet, isn't it?"

"Totally! And it freakin' sucks that the gas is more expensive!"

…to…

"…and he was all 'nuh-uh' and I was like 'uh-huh' and they were all like 'no way!'"

"…uh-huh..." Poor Matthiew didn't know what the hell was going on.

…then…

"Come on! What happened at camp was totally natural between us countries."

"But we're brothers!"

"Only by blood! Besides, I totally know from Elizabeta that Ludwig and Gilbert have banged a few times. She showed me one of her videos to prove it! And, one time, I swear I saw Feliciano and Lovino sucking each others…"

"Don't tell me Al! I don't want to know!"

"I wasn't gonna say what you thought I was gonna say! I was gonna say hair curls!"

"…Oh…Okay…"

…then finally…

"So Al, have you gotten the reservations for everyone at the Luxor? The meeting's in a couple of weeks and everyone would be more pissed off at you then normal if you forgot."

"…crap…I forgot"

"I thought so… you go call the hotel and I'll do the dishes, okay?"

"Totally!"

As Alfred got his cellphone out and called, Mattie started on the dishes. After five minutes they were both done. The dishes were spotless and the reservations were made. After spending some time together watching TV, Matthiew asked a question he had in his mind for awhile…

"Hey Al, you're not planning any tricks for anyone, are you?"

"Of course I am dude! I'm not the Prank King for nothing now aren't I?"

"I was afraid of that. Just please, don't do anything too crazy, okay? People already think you're enough of an a%*hole just by being yourself."

"Dude, you're crazy! Everybody loves me 'cuz I'm a HERO!"

"Whatever… listen, it's getting late. I should get going."

"Sure thing! Later Canadia!"

"…_sigh_… It's Canada. Come on Kumajaka, let's go."

Matthiew grabed his polar bear and went off home.

"Hey, let me ask you something since I've got you here. Who are you, again?"

"…I'm Canada…" he said softly.

"Oh, right. You should stay away from him during the meeting. If you hang out with him while he does his little jokes, you could get hurt or blamed for what he does."

"I've tried that before, it doesn't work."

"Okay… hey, when we get home, can you make me some pancakes?"

"Sure, why not."

_To be continued…_

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><p><strong>Me: Yo! Sorry about earlier. I've had a really bad day recently. I locked my keys in my car, I got my phone stollen by a guy who helped me with the car situation, I got yelled at by my family, my older sister took my car, and I don't think I should tell you about my love life…or lackthereoff. <strong>**The only thing that's gotten me through the last few days was that I just got into Soul Eater and I just watched every episode. That and we celebrated when we heard that Bin Laden was killed. One of my cousins died on 9/11 because of that bastard, and we felt like we deserved to celebrate!**

**I've also put up a poll on my profile! I had a random thought of who would win in a contest of awesomeness! I can't decide and I need your help! Who would win? Chuck Norris, Charlie Sheen, or Prussia? Vote now!**

**In the meantime…I've enlisted the help of a cute little angel to help me with the newest reward for anyone who reviews for this chapter!**

**Liechtenstein: To anyone who reviews this chapter, you get some of my cheese fondue, for free!**

**Austria: Free, you say?**

**Me: Back off, cheepskate! This is for the fans!**

**Switzerland: Lili! What are you doing here with Austria and this weird man?**

**Me: Hey! I'm proud of being weird!**

**Liechtenstein: I'm helping him. He said he needed me to help and you said to always help anyone in need. Solidarity, remember?**

**Switzerland: Fine, but I don't want you hanging around with Austria.**

**Austria: Hey, I'm only here because they said it was free.**

**Me: You know, I've got an idea of something the three of us can do until the next chapter, and it's free! Lili can stay here, ready with the fondue, just in case anyone shows up, okay?**

**Switzerland: Fine. Lili, do you have your gun to protect yourself?**

**Lichtenstein: Yes, big brother.**

**Me: Okay, let's go! XD**

**Lichtenstein: Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Austria: I hate you so much.**

**Me: And I love you too, sexy piano man!**

**Austria: You lied when you said it wouldn't cost anything.**

**Me: No one cares about your dignity! Besides, everyone thinks you two should've gotten together long ago.**

**Austria: Do you have any idea how much it will cost to clean up the mess! Those stains on the piano will take forever to remove!**

**Me: Hey! It's kinda sexy to do it on a piano!**

**Switzerland: You both are idiots. I'm worried about Lili.**

**Me: Don't worry! She went home after she gave out fondue to the reviewers!**

**Switzerland: Are you sure? She hasn't called me yet.**

**Me: Oh, I'm sure! I got Hungary to take her home! I even gave them a few videos for them to watch! XD**

**Switzerland: You **_**are**_** a bastard!**

**Me: But you guys love me anyway! Now, time for business! The thank yous! Thanks to**** Patrich11 for reviewing, favoriting me and this story, as well as putting Author and Story Alert! ****Kami-SamanoShukusen for doing Story Alert! . for reviewing! Say It Say My Name for also reviewing! And big thanks to CherrySummer for being there and reviewing since the beginning!**

**Now that that's done with, on with the story!**

**I don't own Hetalia. If I did, Mexico would be a main character!**

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><p><em>March 31<em>_st__ – Air Force 1½_ **(Just go with me here. It's like Air Force One, but only Al and his friends can use it)**

10,000 ft. in the air, everyone's favorite hero was having a little get together of the guys from the Allied and Axis Powers while on their way to the next meeting. It started out as Alfred, Matthew, and Kiku, but when Feliciano heard, he wanted to go. If Italy went, so did Germany. Germany goes, so does Prussia. If Prussia goes, so does France. It goes on like that until all of the Axis and Allied Powers, and Prussia are in the plane.

At the moment, our Hero and his cute Asian lover were sitting together, having a political discussion of great importance!

"… And so, if you think about it, Ditto is the whore of the Pokémon world! It can transform into any Pokémon, mate, and you get eggs from almost any Pokémon! The only exceptions to the rules are the Legendary ones, except Manaphy!"

Kiku could not believe what he was hearing. He was listening to his boyfriend trash talk about one of his favorite Pokémon! He's not gonna stand for this, is he!

"To be honest, I agree, Alfred-kun. Although it wasn't until after the games first came out, I never realized these faults with Ditto."

I give up. I'm just gonna let this story go the way it wants to.

After Kiku made a small speech about the way he thinks Pokémon could mate, he got a text from Switzerland saying, "Damn it Japan! I don't know why, but I have a feeling you're not saying what you want to say! Tell everyone what you really think!" _Incredible. How can he tell what is happening if we are so far from each other!_

It's just the way he is Japan.

In the next row, Italy was enjoying his flight movie while Germany was reading a book on new training methods developed by Chuck Norris! _Amazing! With these new additions to my daily training, I too will be able to push the Earth down, instead of pushing myself up!_

"Ve~ This is a great show! Ludwig you've got to watch this!"

Our handsome German friend looked up from his book to see a yellow sponge creature wearing pants singing about fun. That's right, a yellow sponge in pants.

"Ve~ Ludwig! Let's sing too!"

"No Feliciano, I don't want to sing right now."

"Oh come on! I'll start! 'F is for friends who do stuff together! U is for you and me! N is for anywhere and anytime at all, down here in the deep blue sea!'"

A couple rows back, Russia heard Italy's singing. _Oh, I think I've heard this song before! I'll sing too!_ Without realizing he put up his evil aura, Ivan sang the next part of the song. "F is for fire that burns down the whole town. U is for Uranium…bombs. N is for no survivors when you're…"

At this part, China, who was sitting next to Russia, started to freak out. "Aiyah! Stop singing, aru! It's creeping everyone out!"

"I was only singing the song from the show, da?"

"No more singing, aru!"

"No dudes! Ivan and Feli got the right idea! Come on everybody, Spongebob sing along! Right now!" America put himself into the conversation, totally not noticing Russia's aura.

At this point, while Al, Feli, and Ivan were singing, Mattie and Gilbert, who were supposed to sit behind Italy and Germany but ahead of Yao and Ivan, both walked out of the bathroom… Together… Damn, just the thought gives me a nosebleed. What no one knew was that Elizabeta had secretly paid off a few of the Secret Service to hide some spy cameras around the private jet, including the bathroom. With all of the footage of what goes on in Alfred's plane, she could sell a few copies and get rich! It's not just Canada and Prussia. It's also America, England, and Japan!

Once Gilbert saw the fun everyone was having, he joined in on the fun!

In the last row were Arthur and Francis. Let's just say, there are some benefits to being in the back.

"Get off me, you stupid frog!"

"Ohonhonhon! You weren't saying that last night mon petit lapin!"

"Shut up, git! I don't want anyone to know we're together!"

"But why not! Antonio and Gilbert know!"

"What! You told them! You idiot, you weren't supposed to tell anyone! I can't believe you did that, stupid git."

Their argument was interrupted when Alfred dragged France into joining in on the chorus of "The Best Day Ever."

Everything went on like that for a few hours until they landed in the Las Vegas airport. Kiku, Ludwig, Yao, Arthur, and Mattie were feeling so embarrassed to even know with those guys, who at the moment were singing the "Campfire Song" song. Luckily for them, as the boys were about to do the big finish, one of their security quickly escorted them to their limousines, and were unable to make bigger idiots of themselves at that.

Later, when they made it to the hotel, checked in, and met up with some of the nations that got there earlier, it was time to party!

The whole night was a blur for most of the nations. Getting horribly drunk can do that to anyone. Out of all the nations to go party, Alfred was not one of them. He was still trying to figure out how to get his target.

_Damn it! This is so not like a hero! How the hell am I supposed to prank Ivan? Why did I even put his name in the hat? _That's right. He picks names at random. From a hat. That's heroic… not. _Maybe I should go down to the bar for a drink. That always helps me when I'm in a slump. If that doesn't help, I'll just have to use my last resort._

Alfred got dressed in his nice "James Bond" suit, then went to the hotel's private bar. He might not like to dress up all fancy like, but if it's to look like James Bond, then totally!

As our hero walked in, he saw a vision of loveliness. He saw a certain, white haired young woman sitting at the bar, wearing a slim black dress, enjoying a glass of red wine. A certain young woman with very large breasts!

Now Al may be dating Kiku, but that doesn't mean he doesn't play for both teams. When he was younger, he was taught by Mattie, who was raised by Francis, how to hit on girls properly.

He went up to Ukraine, sat next to her, and ordered himself a glass of whisky. After a bit of small talk, and a few more drinks, they were able to talk about more personal stuff. After a while, Alfred stopped listening to her talk and stared at her chest. It wasn't until Katyusha mentioned living with Russia that Alfred stopped staring and remembered why he was in the bar. _Crap! I can't forget that commie bastard! Damn it, I guess it's time for the backup._ "Hey barkeep, can I get a bottle of your best vodka?"

"Oh, Alfred, why are you buying vodka?"

"It's a little gift for your brother."

"He would love it! You know, it's amazing. Did you know he invented vodka because he wanted to find a way to deal with the stress of Belarus wanting to marry him? None of the drinks in the world were strong enough to help him, so he made his own. And now it's one of the most popular drinks around the world, thanks to him."

There was only one thing that caught Alfred's interest. _Belarus wants to marry Russia? That's not right. It's okay for countries to bang once in a while, even if they're related, but marriage, to your own sister too, that's too much for me. But if Katyusha's right, then Belarus is the one who wants this, not Russia. WAIT! I've got it! I know what to do!_ After he formed his plan, he said good bye to Ukraine and left. He's an idiot, but he knows she's not the type of girl to get drunk and sleep with just anyone. They have to be special to her if they want to have a good chance of that.

As he walked to his room, Al started texting his brother.

_Yo, Mattie! Finly figurd out wha 2 do bout commie!__ Whur ya at? – Hero!_

_Al, your language skills are__ horrible. Could you please write properly, I can barely read what you wrote. I'm with Cuba at Cirque du Soleil. Please don't do something stupid. – Mapleleaf_

_Lame! Fine, I'll text 'properly'. At first I was in a slump and thought I'd have to use the backup plan, but after talking with Ukraine, I got an even better idea! – Hero!_

_Backup plan? – Mapleleaf_

_Remember the time I got Iggy a few years back? I spiked his whisky with Viagra, knocked him out, tied him up, and left him for France. I was gonna do the same to Russia, but now that plan is mostly done with. – Hero!_

_Mostly? What are you going to do? – Mapleleaf_

_I'm gonna keep the first part of the backup plan to use in my grandmaster plan! There's still gonna be Viagra, and there's gonna be vodka, but it's not France who's gonna rape him! – Hero!_

_What? Who? HOW? – Mapleleaf_

_Simple! I'm gonna get Russia and Belarus married! – Hero!_

_To be continued…_

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><p><strong>Me: And there you go! The master plan has been unveiled! I would like to thank CherrySummer again for giving me the idea to use Spongebob in the story. I hope everyone likes it. I must apologize for taking longer than usual to update. I'm almost done with school and I got a job that takes a lot of my time away from fanfics, but I will keep going with my story!<strong>

**Remember to vote on my poll on who would win in a contest of awesomeness!**

**And now it's time for the prizes! The perfect stocking stuffer for the upcoming Christmas season, the newest yaoi video making its way through the circuits, Mile High Club Fun! Featuring America, Japan, England, Canada, and Prussia! Coming soon to a perverted mind near you!**

**Finland: Wait a minute! It's not time for Christmas yet!**

**Me: Not yet, but soon!**

**Sweden: It's'mm'r.**

**Me: Haven't you guys ever heard of Christmas in July?**

**Finland: That's just a crazy idea made by the Americans! I never gave permission for that!**

**Me: Too bad! That's how it is in America, now until then, how's about we three go to my place for a little bit of my 'special eggnog'.**

**Finland: Fine, why not?**

**Sweden: I'v g't b'd f''l'in' 'bo't th's.**

**Me: Review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Me: Wow, more than a month without putting up a new chapter. To everyone reading this story, I'm sorry for not updating but the only excuse****s I have are: writers' block, too much work, got distracted by Harry Potter and Captain America, working on a new story, and getting ready for San-Japan this weekend!**

**I would like to thank Pop-goes-the-Prussia and Loveless Bunny for favoriting this story, Clozzie for reviewing and doin' the story alert thing, and Say It Say My Name and CherrySummer for reviewing! All of you got the new yaoi video from Hungary into your Christmas stockings!**

**Finland: How many times do I have to tell you! There couldn't have been a Christmas in July!**

**Me: Why not?**

**Finland: It's not right! Christmas is in December! That's how it is and that's how it will be!**

**Me: You're just mad because Sealand caught the three of us during.**

**Finland: THAT TOO! Now Su-san has to explain what happened, and I don't know if that's a good idea! He's so young… and not a country.**

**Me: Come on! Sealand's a growing boy, he should get to learn about the birds and the bees… the bees and the bees… birds and birds… THE BIRDS AND THE BEEGEE'S!**

**Finland: What? 0_0**

**Me: Nothing… I go crazy when I'm on a sugar low… lets get on with the story!**

**I own nothing… if I did, Hetalia would be taught in schools around the world!**

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><p><em>April 1<em>_st__ – 3:00 PM_

The world meeting was about to come to a conclusion with America finishing his proposal to make his land seem tougher to others…

"… and that's why I want to change my national anthem!"

"You really are nutburgers! You bloody idiot, what makes you think you'll be able to change your anthem, the one thing you have that makes you look somewhat respectable, into that monstrosity!"

"I'm afraid I must agree with _L'Angleterre_ on this matter Alfred."

"Come on, Frenchie! It's an awesome song!"

"Hey! You have to pay me anytime you say 'Awesome!' I'm the only one in this meeting awesome enough to say 'Awesome' for free!

"Brudder! How many times must I tell you not to intrude on our meetings!"

"Totally unawesome, West."

"Ignoring Germany and Prussia, I don't think anyone would agree to an anthem that shouts out 'America! F#k Yeah!'"

"Come on, dude! That song's says what I'm all about!"

"Even the part at the end about slavery?"

"That part's a joke."

"Still not funny!"

"You're totally lame, Iggy!"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Whatever. If no one's gonna agree with any of my ideas, then meeting adjourned. Now that this lame meeting's over, who wants to get drunk?"

At this, more than half the room starts cheering before they burst through the doors, looking for a good bar. A certain unsuspecting Russian was about to go on his own until an annoying hero put an arm around his shoulders.

"Yo Ivan, lets go party with the rest of the guys!"

"Oh! Well thank you for inviting me, comrade."

_Stop calling me __comrade, you dirty commie bastard._ "No problem dude! Let's get all drunk up in dis bitch!"

Russia sweatdrops as he's being taken into a limo with the rest of the guys. Italy was innocently sitting in Germany's lap, looking at all the sites to see, with Germany blushing the whole time. Prussia was gently nibbling on Canada's ear, and it took all of his will power not to moan in pleasure. France was flirting with England, with no success. America and Japan were talking about Anime conventions that were coming soon in both their countries. Russia was trying to convince China to become one with him, with no chance of it happening.

When they get back to their hotel, they all make a rush for the casino. After a few hours, some of the nations ended up several thousand dollars in debt to the casinos. America, who was playing Blackjack with Russia and France, made a few small bets with Russia. Winner of each bet gets a bottle of their favorite drink, paid by the loser. Easy to say, America lost every time. What Russia didn't know, was that Alfred was losing on purpose. Alfred wanted to get Ivan in just the right level of drunkenness so he could start on his plan.

_*Flashback to the night before*_

Alfred had it all planned. Shortly after texting his brother the night before, Al left immediately to a nearby pharmacy to stock up on Viagra. There was something weird about the guy who gave him his pills. He had a white streak in his hair and he seemed like he knew a bit too much about the hero and his plans, other than that, Al got what he wanted. Afterwards, Alfred went looking for someone to sell him some _other_ drugs and he found just the person behind a nightclub. He went back to his hotel room and prepared the vodka.

There was something else he needed to call this a success, this something being a cute girl by the name of Natalya. Al went up to her room before the meeting started, a few hours early actually, the sun hadn't even gone up yet. After dodging the knives she threw at him for waking her up earlier than she's used to, Al explained that he had a plan that could help her.

"Help me how?"

"You want to marry Ivan, right?"

"YES! MORE THAN ANYTHING!"

"Keep quiet; the other nations might hear you!"

"Fine… what do I have to do?"

"It's easy. All you have to do is show up at the chapel tonight in a wedding dress, with a thick veil to cover your face, maybe your hair too. The less he sees, the easier this plan will be."

"Very well, where do I go?"

"You know the place where Britney Spears got married that one time?"

"If that's where I need to be, then fine, I will be there, anything to be with my dear brother."

"Sweet, be there tonight at 9:00!"

Alfred left Natalya's room to get ready for the meeting, as well as stocked up on whoopee cushions and a few shock buzzers. He went to the meeting room early to place the whoopee cushions on random seats and left to make himself look like he slept in. He met up with South Korea and Prussia and gave them a few buzzers to help him get everyone in the room. Many nations, especially Switzerland, England, and Cuba were pissed when they got a shock instead of a normal handshake.

When it was time to start the meeting, Liechtenstein was the first to sit down, and she regretted it immediately. As soon as she sat down, a fart noise was heard and the whole room was silent. Everyone was trying not to laugh; otherwise they'd have to deal with Vash. He gave everyone a look that said 'Laugh and die,' so everyone decided to sit down, start the meeting, and forget about this, and it would have been forgotten if not for the fact that as they all sat down, more then half the room farted

…

A quick moment of silence as everyone looked at the person closest to them, and the entire room burst into laughter! Even some of the grouchiest of nations started to laugh when they saw the person they hate the most be embarrassed in public. It was obvious who was the culprit who did this, so after the laughter died down, they all threatened Alfred to stop with the pranks during the meeting or else they will all join together to get rid of McDonald's around the world. That got Al to take the meeting seriously… until it was his turn to present his ideas for 'global peace.' His plan: Make the world terrified of America, and scare the world into peace, which is why he wanted to change his National Anthem to the theme from 'Team America: World Police.' Then we're back to where we started.

_*Back to where we left off*_

"Okay Ivan, last hand so we'll up the antae just a bit. Winner gets double, how's that sound?"

"Very well comrade!"

In a most dramatic round of Blackjack, both Alfred and Ivan went into super slow-motion!

…

…

Dramatic, isn't it?

…

…

And Russia wins this final round of Blackjack! Oh no! The world has gone into chaos! Llamas are headbutting children off boats! A talking elephant gets sexually molested by a flower! A unicorn losses it's horn looking for a magical snowman that could save the future!

Just kidding!

Russia wins, gets his vodka, and after he downs his first bottle… everything went black!

_Que the dramatic music!_

_To be continued…_

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><p><strong>Me: Okay everyone! Almost time for this story to end! If things go well, the next chapter should be the last one.<strong>

**If you haven't voted on my poll, there's still time to vote until the last chapter is up!**

**Until then, it's time for prize time! People who review and all that other stuff get a McDonald's card and a bottle of Maple Syrup!**

**America: Dude! What the hell, man! Why did you take my cards?**

**Me: Cuz' I needz somethin' ta go wit tha syrup I stole from yur bro, dude!**

**Canada: He's lying. He asked me for the syrup.**

**America: Whoa, Mattie! When did you get here?**

**Me: You didn't see him****? He was here the whole time.**

**Canada: Thank you for noticing me.**

**Me: No problem, cutie! Now, let's go get some breakfast!**

**America: Dude, its lunch time.**

**Me: I know… We'll watch a movie, work up an appetite tonight, and then w****e'll get breakfast in the morning! XD**

**Canada: Review please!**


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